Nov 11, 2007


So, I definitely do not want this blog to turn into the Marcie saga, because I definitely attract enough drama to keep a few readers interested. I am kind of down right now though, so, I thought I would write a little to get a little weight off my shoulders and hopefully gain some perspective about the things that are troubling me right now.

A year ago today, my aunt and friend passed away very suddenly. This was truly my first encounter with death on a personal level, and it has plagued my mind daily. Jana was a very special person. She dealt with a lot of really hard things, but she always had a smile on her face and could always make me laugh. I think the thing I remember most about her - the thing that pops into my head everytime I think about her (which is quite often) is her laugh. It was so genuine and unique. The smile that went along with it was so special, and you could tell that she wished she could make you happy and healthy and everything wonderful. She was always a person I could go to that understood me, that I could talk to and she would know what I was talking about and really understand my point of view. She was family, but she didn't think like the rest of my family does, and she never treated me as though I were her younger niece - I was a friend and a peer to her. I miss her more than I can even begin to describe, and I am trying very hard not to cry as I write this. I know that death is never easy to deal with, but because she left so suddenly, it has been something that has been so difficult for me to understand and move past. I just got a new cell phone last weekend and when I was transferring phone numbers, I realized that her number was still in my phone. I have dreams about her all the time - like she is still here. Sorry, I am not meaning to sound melodramatic - just thinking about her too much makes me sad, and that, in turn, makes me angry, because I feel like her memory should make me happy, not sad. She made a huge impact on my life, and I wish I could thank her for that.

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