Apr 28, 2009

Trying to think happy thoughts...

Well, the garage is finished. It looks absolutely beautiful.

I am trying my hardest to think of other happy things to write about, but I am feeling incredibly down at the moment. What better place to blab than on my blog where I don't have to be an emotional leech in person, right? Yeah, I know, false logic... but its my blog and I am going to leech anyway.

It all started with a case of the Mondays. Wait, rewind... lets start on Friday since there actually was some goodness during the weekend.

Friday, I did not have school. You would think this was an awesome thing, but I woke up that morning with a migraine like I have never had before. I spent all day on the couch trying to watch house, but having to turn it off and take frequent naps because I couldn't focus on the tv any longer. By the time Drew had gotten home, the nausea had taken over and I got pretty sick for a minute. And then, like magic, I felt all better.

Saturday, I was still feeling pretty exhausted. I slept almost 12 hours, and then took several naps on the couch during the day. Drew finally woke me up at around 4 because the Oak Cliff Art Crawl was taking place that night. Like the wonderful man he is, Drew took me to many many different galleries and tried to encourage me about art... which is a point I will bring up further down in this blog. Then he took me to Gloria's for dinner... my favorite. He treated me to shrimp nachos and made me laugh, and I can not tell you how much I appreciate the awesome man God chose to bless me with.

Now, back to the case of the Mondays. I woke up Monday morning feeling like I hadn't had much of a weekend since I slept through most of it. Then the day just kept right on going down the toilet. When Drew and I left the house for work, it was raining so hard I could barely see out of the windshield. I know you folks in Colorado will probably laugh at this next statement, but I am convinced that it was far more dangerous to drive yesterday morning than on our last "snow day". I spent most of the morning at school putting away all of the supplies that were left in my room from the Fine Arts Festival, and sorting through art work. I started my students on a really neat project that I THINK they are all pretty in to, and tried to be encouraged and uplifted.

I have been really down the past few weeks because I (and I really hate to admit this) kind of feel like a failure in the art realm. I can teach, and I'd like to think I am really good at it, but I have had no time to myself to maintain MY art, or to practice or take classes. I honestly miss college, because I was constantly surrounded by people working on art that they were incredibly passionate about. I drew from that energy and created some great work. It is so hard to be inspired when all you want to do is go home and sleep. I want to feel that magic of inspiration again, but in reality, I know Drew and I could not afford to live without my meager salary, and there really is no niche in Dallas that is not totally saturated for my kind of art. So, my prayer lately has been for God to show me how I am supposed to use this talent that he so obviously gave me. I feel so very much that he called me to be at FBA, but I do not feel that He would want me to feel so overwhelmed that I could not be what He called me to be... I believe it was my mom who once told me that God would never put you in a situation that he didn't already know you could make it through. So, I have confidence that He has a plan for me, and that in the end, it will all be perfect accordingly, but I really really wish I knew what that end goal was.

So, Monday after school, I talked to my mom and found out that my "puppy", Reggie, died Monday afternoon. With all the stuff I already mentioned, plus a few things that I do not care to share on the internet, this hit me unusually hard. I loved Reggie very much. He was a very good dog. But he hadn't lived with me since I got married, and I am not used to having him around every day... still I expected him to be around for quite a while longer, and it makes me sad that there wasn't something else I could have done to make him a healthy and happy dog.

Today started out on a good note. I wore my flowey white skirt and was feeling good, and then.. I dont know. I heard news about a really close friend of the family who is in the hospital, and my most favorite co-worker/boss/advocate sent out an email with his resignation. I was absolutely crushed and can not figure out what that means... I know we will carry on, but he was honestly one of the few people that really encouraged me as a teacher and as an artist. I will definitely miss him and his wisdom and encouragement in the hallways next year.

Well, enough of my blubbering. Hopefully the rest of this week will pick up and start to show a bit of improvement. Thursday, I am off to adventure camp with the 8th grade class at FBA. That should prove to be interesting and bloggable.

And... this weekend is Canton! See, I do have things to look forward to. Whew!


Jerri said...

I am very sorry about Reggie and it is amazing how hearing bad news about someone else can have such a huge impact on your feelings, but I believe it does. What we are not as prone to do is share the good things to help uplift each other! We should make a conscious effort on that.

There are several art classes posted on RECPTA. I will find them and forward them to you. Light the fire! Find a new medium, maybe. Or maybe the true talent lies in the lives you touch through your teaching!

And the next time you get down, just remember my girls are jealous of how clean your house is! And that you have 2 couches! I forgot to mention that before. I am still laughing over that. They think you are rich!

The Whatley's said...

OMG - loving those doors! What a difference, right?!

lisa said...

Marcie - You are such a blessing. I'm so glad you're my niece. Your garage doors are beautiful,and so are you. Both inside and out. God does have a plan for you and it will be revealed in time. I too understand the frustration and the rewards that come with teaching. A huge number of the former and few of the latter. I look forward to seeing you soon in the hood!!