May 3, 2011

Cha Cha Cha Changes...

You know the old saying "It's always darkest before the dawn"?  And you know how your kitchen always seems to be the messiest while you are in the process of cleaning?  I think those are both excellent analogies to describe my life right now.  Life is in a bit of an upheaval, though I think this is truly for the best.  But anyone who knows me well knows how much I like to have a plan - to know where I'm going at what time and where I will stop along the way.  God is doing a great work in my life to help me to let go and not stress quite so much about my future and finances and really just trust that He will provide like he always does.  Though change is sometimes scary, shiney new things are always fun, and so that is what I am focusing on now. 

I have begun the task of job hunting for the first time since I graduated college.  I have decided to leave my cozy little home at First Baptist Academy in search for something that fits a little better.  God has been trying to tell me, not so subtly, for several months now that it's time to move on, and recently he helped me make that decision by closing the door so that I wouldn't keep standing in the doorway, teetering on the edge of that decision.  I am not going to deny that I had my pride hurt a little at the way the decision was made, but I also can not deny the weight off my shoulders and the freedom I feel having let it go.  I've lost a bit of sleep this week trying to figure out where I am supposed to go next, but I know it will be something great.  Hopefully even something that lets me spend more time with Isabel and play a bigger role in her life.  I LOVE that she gets to spend time with my mom every day, but it does bother me a little that my mom gets to feed her more than I do, change more diapers than I do, and generally spend more time in a day than I do.  I know there has got to be a happy medium here somewhere, where I can work to help provide for my family and still get to play and learn and grow with my daughter.

Speaking of Isabel.  Oh my goodness how she is growing!  This is a photo of her nearly a month ago and I can not believe how much she learns and changes every day.  These are the best kinds of changes though... she now laughs and smiles all the time.  She LOVES her daddy - he makes her laugh more than anyone else!  He lifts her above his head (all 20+ pounds of her!!!) and she just squeals with delight.  She loves music and loves to be sung to.  And her favorite thing of all, to be outside!  I'm about 95% sure that she says "mama."  It only happens when she's upset and cries out "maaaaama," but it happens to frequently to really be a coincidence, haha.

Well, my break is over and I must get back to work.  Staying Posi and keeping the faith.  Let me know if you have job ideas!