Jul 18, 2011

Looking Back

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic this evening.  I was doing a bit of cleaning earlier while Isabel was hanging out at Nana's house and ran across this outfit -

It is so hard for me to believe that Isabel was EVER that small.  Our first 3 months together were hard.  Very hard.  It seems like the nurse handed her to me crying and she cried for the next several months, though I know that isn't true.  I didn't realize until later that I dealt with a little post partum depression, and that, coupled with lack of sleep and a baby with tummy troubles was enough to have successfully made me wish I could have put her back in the womb a few times.  It was very hard to enjoy her tiny little body, and those awkward facial expressions and those tiny little socks - thinking about those tiny socks nearly brings me to tears they are so precious!!

And now, here we are, 8 months after my sweet Isabel came into this world and I can barely remember any of those sleepless nights or any of the stress associated with it.  All I really remember (unless I look back at facebook statuses or blog entries) is how sweet she smelled (still does, most of the time), and how she would hold my hand to go to sleep and rocking and singing and how much she needed me.  And I miss it!  Isn't that crazy!?

I had "dinner" with one of my BFF's, Rebecca, this evening and we were talking about how big Isabel is getting and how much more fun she is now.  It's so true.  She laughs, she is ticklish, she plays and communicates in her own little way.  It seems like she does something new every day and it is so much fun to experience a fresh life through her.  And occasionally she will still snuggle a little bit.  Every day that passes, I enjoy her more and more.  We have definitely come to an understanding and have learned more about each other.  If you told me 7 months ago how much I would love her, I would never have believed you.  Now, I love her so unconditionally and so thoroughly it's a little weird for me.  I can't even imagine that my mom loved me this much.  Totally puts a new perspective on our relationship.

I am so excited to experience new things with Isabel in the coming days, months years.  She reminds me that there is joy and hope.  And one day, maybe she will have her own baby and she will learn to love that baby unconditionally and will maybe see a glimpse of how much she changed my life.

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